The Subway Diet

$10 to anyone who can describe what a Subway commercial pre-Jared and subway diet looked like. Anyone? And by $10 I mean, "imaginary dollars," because times are tough and hey, let's face it, if you remember those commercials you're just plain old and have probably established a stable career doing something you're able to at least feign interest in while pulling in a moderate salary that a post-financial disaster graduate could only dream of.

I digress, you digress, we all scream for progress...

The Jared commercials featured our protagonist, "Jared," as Subway operatives referred to him as, claiming that with the help of eating a 6" turkey sandwiches for lunch and Footlong veggie sands for dinner every day, he had been able to transform himself from a fat and out-of-shape loser into a regular-sized loser who makes big bunches of money doing advertisements but suffers from onion breath after 12 o'clock noon. He's not living with his parents anymore so the joke is on me! HAH! *tear*


I've been taking about four trips to Subway every week for lunch now. $5 dollars a sandwich, split that into lunch and dinner, you're paying $2.50 cents per meal and losing more weight than that fat ass Jared. Already, because of my savings, I've noticed that I can spend more time drinking and feel less disgusted as I wake up in a drunken cash-less quandary.

Someone submit my story to Fortune magazine so that a subway franchisee can see my story and make me the newest spokesperson for subway. Take that Jared! Your foolhardy subway diet cost about $12 dollars a day, mine is $5...Extreme times, call for extreme measures, ground-breaking ideas from radical people in order to spark a revolution of thought, and a change in society. My name is...

-Austin